i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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