Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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