I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
