You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
