Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
