No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
