Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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