woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
