Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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