I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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