i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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