Just cropdusted the office
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
