Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you will always have a special place in my vag
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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