I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
