girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
