I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
