No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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