Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
