This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dicks are not precious.
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