Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Your penis caused this!
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