I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
