I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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