break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
someone threw a dead crab at me
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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