I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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