Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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