I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
