what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
