I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
