The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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