I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
