I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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