Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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