eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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