they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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