I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
