I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
