highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
nutella sex= disaster
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
