the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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