i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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