3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
