it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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