Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
