He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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