gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
