Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
