trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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