you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
MIDGETS
????
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
