I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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