I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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