got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
pray to the hookup gods
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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