i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
