You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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