hotel room ftw
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
