I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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