I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You've changed since you got that strap on
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
