one might say we're banned from that church
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
