Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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