he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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