y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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