Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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