he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
bring money and cleavage
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
