The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
