my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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