Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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